https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6-5CWHeAsM

• Overview
  • There are four key aspects to Nonviolent Communication (NVC):
    • Observations (Facts) - Actions you observe
    • Feelings (Emotions) - How do I feel about the observations
    • Needs (Values) - These create your feelings
    • Requests (Actions) - Concrete actions you want other people to do
  • Not understanding feelings and needs correctly leads to miscommunication.
  • Alienating ways to communicate (don't do this)
    • Moralistic Judgements - Analysis of others is an expression of your unmet needs and values.
    • Denial of responsibility - Attributes the cause of our emotions/actions to external sources.
    • Demands - You can't make anyone do anything.
• Observe without evaluating
  • Evaluations are formed when...
    • Using "to be" without taking responsibility.
      • You are too generous. -> When I see you give all your lunch money away I think you're being too generous.
    • Using verbs with evaluative connotations
      • Doug procrastinates. -> Doug studies for exams the night before.
    • Implication that your inferences of others are the only ones available.
      • She won't get her work in... -> "I don't think she'll get her work in..." or "She said she won't get her work in..."
    • Confusion of prediction with certainty
      • If you don't eat balanced meals your health will be impaired. -> If you don't eat balanced meals I fear your health may be impaired.
    • Failure to be specific about what you are referring to.
      • Immigrants don't take care of their property. -> I haven't seen the family who lives at 167 Ross Street shovel snow from their driveway.
    • Use of words about ability without stating an evaluation has been made.
      • Kai Havertz is a bad footballer. -> Kai Havertz hasn't scored in 4 games
    • Use of adverbs/adjectives without indicating evaluation has been made.
      • Jim is ugly. -> Jim's looks don't appeal to me.
  • Ask yourself if these are the facts or my interpretation of the facts. Interpretations are evaluations.
• Identify and express your feelings.
  • Feelings are not expressed when feelings are followed by...
    • "that, like, as if"
      • I feel that you should know better.
      • I feel like a failure.
      • I feel as if I'm talking to a wall.
    • "I, you, they, we, it"
      • I feel I am constantly on call.
      • I feel it is useless.
    • names or nouns referring to people
      • I feel Amy is pretty responsible.
      • I feel my boss is being manipulative.
  • Say "I feel [emotion]".
    • Don't attribute it to the person. Attribute it to a need instead.
    • Say what you feel, not what you think.
      • Think: I feel inadequate as a guitar player.
      • Feel: I feel disappointed in myself as a guitar player.
  • Good examples:
    • I'm sad that you're leaving.
    • I feel scared when you say that.
    • I'm happy that you can come.
    • I feel good about what you did for me.
  • Bad examples:
    • I feel you don't love me.
    • When you don't greet me I feel neglected.
    • You're disgusting.
    • I feel like hitting you.
    • I feel misunderstood.
    • I feel worthless.
• Take responsibility and express your need
  • Say "I feel..." followed by "...because I need..."
  • Don't
    • Use impersonal pronouns such as "it/that"
    • Say "I feel... because..." followed by person or personal pronoun
  • Examples:
    • It really bugs me when spelling mistakes appear in my videos -> I feel infuriated when videos have spelling mistakes because I want to project a professional image.
    • Mommy is disappointed when you don't finish your food. -> Mommy feels disappointed when you don't finish your food because I want to see you grow up strong and healthy.

Didn't finish watching, stopped around 34 minutes in.